In Which We Go MAD
by Actress.gone.wild666
Summary: My friends and I go to Hogwarts and practically go MAD. Nothing drastic, we just...become magical.
1. Chapter 1

I turned to look at the giant THING sitting in the middle of the street. It seemed to be a huge, purple, double-decker bus. I finally realized... It was the night bus! But if that was the night bus...That must mean my friend Hanna and I were... "WE'RE WITCHES, HELL TO THE YES!" Hanna screamed, I face palmed. This was going to be a lot harder for us than it had been was for Harry. We walked up onto the bus. I froze. There in front of me, the hottest of all wizards, stood the boy who lived. Harry Potter! Hanna reacted...calmly. No fan girl moment, no screams, nothing. She did, however, charge onto the bus ahead of me, then shriek. "DRACOOOOOOOOOO!"

I slowly walked up to Harry. He still looked shaken from Hanna's enthusiasm. "Is that your...friend...?" He asked.

"Friend is a bit of a misnomer, we're more like sisters," I replied, "But she's always like that. I'd get used to it." Just pray to whatever deity you worship she doesn't get hold of more coffee, I thought.

Harry looked down. "And...Uh...what's your name?" I blushed. He actually cared! I thought he just would just think I was another "Harry Potter Worshipper".

"Um...Courtney. You're Harry Potter. I'd know you anywhere." He rolled his eyes. I smirked and said, "Harry, It's almost impossible not to know who you are. You're famous everywhere. Even in the muggle world. Actually, just moments ago I thought I was a muggle..." He smiled. He's interested! Hanna stuck her head out a window and shouted, "

OI! Lovebirds! HELP!" effectively ruining the moment. Harry and I rolled our eyes as one.

"Did you find your Draco?" I asked sarcastically, referring to her over-the-top fan girl moment.

"No! THE WORLD IS AT AN END! DRACO IS NOT ON THE BUS!" she wailed, trying not to laugh. I smirked.

"Hanna, remember, Draco never goes near Harry unless they're on the train or in the common room!" She looked at me, and then a sheepish look crossed her face.

"Ah, yah...I forgot that too..." Harry walked up behind me with a confused look on his face.

"How do you know Draco Malfoy?" I panicked.

Hanna shot me a look. 'Don't panic,' it screamed at me.

'You're panicking,' I looked back.

'Just because I panic-'

'Well, if YOU get to panic,'

"YOU'RE the one he's paying attention to, anyway! Doesn't much matter if I panic or not!" she said, out loud. All heads on the bus turned towards her. I then put my hands over my face, and then turned to face Harry.

"Ummmm...Don't mind her. I know Draco because...ummmmmm...we...we have met before. It doesn't mean I like him or anything, but crazy-ass Hanna over here is obsessed with him." I whispered, "She loves him." His eyebrows shot up a mile wide. Hanna's mouth dropped down a yard.

"I DON'T LOVE HIM!" she screeched, spitting the word "love" akin to how one would refer to a particularly determined ex, or relative one was trying to avoid. "I'M A FANGIRL! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

Harry looked slightly fearful and slightly disgusted. "You have to deal with this all day?" he asked me incredulously. "More like my entire lifetime." It was then that the bus took off, sending all of us hurtling backwards. Harry hit the back window full force and I rushed over to him.

"Harry, meet window! Window, meet Harry!" Hanna thundered, stuck between two beds. The three of us promptly burst into laughter, startling the rest of the occupants of the bus.

"Little old lady at 12 o'clock, mon!" called a distinctly Jamaican-sounding voice from the front of the bus. Pulling my attention from Harry for the first time the entire ride, I saw the shrunken head hanging by its hair from the bus's rearview mirror. EW, I thought. I didn't have time to think much more before the bus screeched to a halt, sending me and Harry flying (Hanna, wedged between her beds, was safe.). Me being a whole 90 pounds, you can guess who ended up where.

I fell forward hitting my back and head hard against the dirty floor of the bus. I looked up, and Harry was there. He had a bit of and embarrassed look on his face. We had ended up splayed in the middle of the aisle about where Hanna was wedged. The silence was quickly broken by Hanna's screaming, "OY! At the rate you guys are going, we should get the Ketuba* signed tonight!" A devilish grin spread across her face when we finally realized the uncomely position we were accidentally in.

Harry looked confused. "What's a…ke…?"

"NOTHING," I said loudly before Hanna could interrupt. Hanna extricated herself from the two beds with all the finesse of a gymnast (or, as I put it, a pole dancer) and walked over. "Okay, Potter, I don't care that you're lying on my friend. I don't much care if your tongue goes down her throat. Hell, I don't care if she sneaks into your common room in the night. If I find out about it, though, I will flay you alive, cut you up, and burn the bits," Hanna completed, looking very pleased with herself. I looked at Harry, my face burning, eyes wide. His deep shade of vermilion matched mine perfectly. "You know what? I take that back. GET OFF HER."

"Yes, mother," I said sarcastically.

"And you!" Hanna rounded on me, adopting a tone and cadence like my mom's, only more so, "Why don't you be more like your sister, now there's a nice girl, she goes to synagogue*, she listens to her elders, she-" I rolled my eyes at Hanna's successful attempt to annoy me. She laughed evilly.

This was going to be a LOOOOONG ride.

*A Ketuba is a Jewish marriage contract. My friend Hanna and I are Jewish :D

*Synagogue is Yiddish for a Jewish Church or Temple


	2. Chapter 2

Not long afterwards, we arrived at the leaky cauldron with a screech. "Thank you for riding the Night Bus," the bus-boy said. We got off the bus. "Hell yes, this is my kind of place!" Hanna stated. We looked up at the black brick building (try saying that three times fast) above us. It was dark and misty. And I had a feeling Hanna was eager to go inside.

"What's in the butterbeer, anyway?" I whispered to Harry as Hanna downed her fifth.

"Butter? Beer? I don't know..." I sighed. Just like Hanna to get drunk. At age 13. Then she saw someone through the window, and shrieked a startlingly fangirlish shriek.

"HOLY CRAP IT'S HAGRID!" she and I screamed at the same time. Hanna ran outside (without paying for her butterbeers, leaving Harry to) to glomp him.

"Oy, this is not going to be good," I muttered under my breath. I remained seated with Harry for about 4 seconds. He shot me a look that said "You should go retrieve your crazy, fangirlish, drunken friend before she messes up big time". I sighed. I slowly got out of my seat, walked outside and was confronted by an eight foot shocked Hagrid with Hanna stuck to his leg.

"'Oo's she?" Hagrid grunted from somewhere in his beard.

"Hanna. I apologize for-her." I said, Harry and me trying to pry Hanna off Hagrid. We succeeded and, with a final huge tug, the three of us fell backwards onto the pavement.

Hanna looked appalled at the interruption, and then realized what an idiot she was being. Blushing, she said, "You think that was bad, you should see me at a Con."

"What's a Co-" I interrupted Harry and Hagrid with a shout, "It's just something from the Muggle world..." I said.

We walked a bit after that, till Hagrid said "There it is. Diagon Alley. I s'pose yeh've got the supply list?" Hanna and I looked confused. "They'll use mine," Harry cut in.

"Thanks Harry!" I said. He looked at me with a crimson face. Maybe seconds later our hues matched. We walked for about 10 minutes until we found the book store. Hanna ran inside only moments after seeing Draco's face through the window, leaving Harry, Hagrid and I. Hagrid then sighed, "I'll go pry her off his legs..." I giggled. I looked at Harry. Suddenly I felt something warm on my hand. I looked down. Harry had grabbed my hand! I looked up, and his face was red. I squeezed his hand. We walked together.

"No, but-HAGRID!" Hanna shrieked. Harry and I turned around. Hagrid had slung Hanna over his shoulder, so that she was facing backwards. She kicked blindly, but didn't hit anything. "PUT ME DOWN!"

"Will yer walk if I do?"

Hanna sighed heavily. "Fine."

Hanna was then lowered to the ground, and then paused. She turned around to face us, a disappointed look on her face. She looked down, and she screamed.

"!" She stared at our conjoined hands. She then looked up at me, a strange look on her face. "What happened while I was gone! For 10 seconds! 10 SECONDS!" I rolled my eyes, and pulled Harry toward the wand shop.

Okay. I'd been in my sister's room. I'd been in HANNA'S room. And I had never seen anything as messy as Ollivander's shop. "Oh, hello, mind the stack there," Mr. Ollivander fussed, rushing about. Hanna suppressed a squeal as she saw someone walk by, instead walking into the aforementioned stack.

"Oy," I muttered.

"Ok. Let's start with this wand..." He said. My eyes widened when I saw it. It was a beautiful shade of auburn and it had gold carvings of roses in it. I gasped.

Mr. Ollivander saw the look on my face and smirked. "You must remember though, the wand chooses the owner." Hanna rolled her eyes. I knew she didn't like being told what to do. I took the wand in my hand. It felt...wonderful. Familiar warmth spread through my body. I sighed. This one was mine. Mr. Ollivander smiled in awe, "Wow...and on your first try too...try a spell on one of my stacks of books." I raised my wand. "Stupify!" One paper from the stack fell. I blushed. Hanna sighed a bored sigh. I looked at her straight in the eye. She calmed. Harry came up from behind me and touched my shoulder and put his hand on my arm. I blushed. He's so cliché. He took my hand with my wand, and shouted, "Stupify!" The stack of papers and books flew all across the room. I looked up at Harry, a surprised look on my face. He smirked. "You need to move your wand, don't just let it sit there." I blushed.

Hanna's wand was...hiding, Harry and I decided. This was her sixth, and at this point, she was glaring daggers at the rows and rows of shelves. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw the next one. A dark, rich, inky blue-black, with a carving of a sort of thorny vine-thing wrapping around it. She held it, and grinned. "I think I found it."

"Try a spell, then," Mr. Ollivander said. Before casting her spell, though, Hanna scooted one of the stacks of books away from the others. I face palmed, knowing what was coming.

"Incendio!" The stack caught on fire instantly, but stayed burning for about one second before Harry put it out with a bored "Aguamenti". "You never let me have any fun," Hanna pouted.

"Ok, next, onto books!" I said enthusiastically. Harry and I walked out of the store, hand in hand. Hanna sighed and muttered, "Lovebirds..." I rolled my eyes. We strolled down the way, looking for the book store, but before we got any further, Hanna screamed, and ran into the candy shop. My eyes widened. "Oh, My, God...I've always wanted to see this place!" Harry smiled.

"Let's go then!" He said happily. We ran hand in hand into the candy shop.

"Oh. My. Effing. God! Magical candy!" Hanna ran around like...well, like a kid in a candy store, poking at things, running into people, and, occasionally, shrieking like the fan girl she was. She picked up a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans and showed them to Harry. "They have these in the Muggle world, too, but they all taste the same."

"How would that be?" Harry asked, half smiling at Hanna's childish display.

"Like shit," she said easily, and then turned around. Two tall, red-haired, identical boys were shouting something about "be the first to test our Nosebleed Nougats", and Hanna ran over.

"Is she really gonna...?" Harry looked slightly-slightly-sympathetic.

"Nah," I laughed. "She'll prolly just compare ideas. She's just as mad as them." We walked over.

"Well, what about one that gave you a highly contagious bug? It'd spread like wildfire, and then die out after, like, a day..." Hanna suggested.

"Brilliant! Half the school would be absent from class! Now, if only we could get all the Slytherins to take them..." One of them said.

"You'll go far, kid," said the other, messing up her hair with a hand.

What seemed to be hours later, we walked out of the store. I had a doggy bag filled with chocolates, while Hanna had bags upon bags upon bags of Nosebleed Nougats and love potions (probably for Draco...). We walked out into the street. Hanna was munching on candy happily as we walked through a tunnel and out. Then she screamed. Hanna ran full speed, candy dripping out of her mouth into the book store. "I'll go pry 'er off 'is legs ag'in," Hagrid said. Harry and I walked calmly into the book store. There, in front of us, Ron was holding a pile of books, while Hermione shamelessly stacked them neatly upon each other, talking all the while. The turned and stared. "Harry...!" Hermione ran to hug him, and Ron dropped the whole stack of books on the floor.

"Ron!" Hermione chided, not releasing Harry from her death-hug. She stepped back, presumably to pick up the dropped books, and then saw Harry and me holding hands. "Are you-is she-how-"

"Wow, guess there's some things even YOU don't know," Hanna drawled sarcastically.

"Excuse me?" Hermione said, an acidic face replacing her surprised one. I eyed Hanna, but she ignored me.

"Never mind," She replied," Have a nougat."

"NO!" Ron exclaimed pulling it from Hermione's hand and crushing it on the floor. "I would recognize my brothers' nosebleed nougats anywhere! He said to Hermione. Hermione's face turned red with anger, as Harry, Hagrid and I backed up to avoid the explosion that was about to...well...explode.

Hanna, on the other hand, stepped forward. This was not gonna go down well for her or Hermione. Hanna, walking up to Hermione till they were literally nose-to-nose, kicked a book aside casually. Hermione gave a little gasp at the treatment of such an important object.

"That was my Arithmancy textbook! If you damaged it-"

"I am gonna wipe the floor with your pretty little ass," Hanna said, smiling beatifically. Hermione gave an involuntary step back, as did the rest of us. "I am gonna tear your intestines out your mouth and your asshole and play skip-rope with you till you bleed out." Hanna maintained her blissful smile while saying all this. Then, Hermione regained some courage and broke in.

"How dare you! You are the most conceited blowhard I have ever met.! You're a moron! An ass! You, you-" Hanna cut in,

"Why should I listen to you, smart-ass? You're the most annoying goody-two-shoes on Earth!" They broke into a catfight no one could ever end. Cuss words were flying and heads were rolling. I could feel my composure begin to slip as I became more and more angry. The more they fought, the more I lost it. I couldn't take it anymore.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed. "JUST SHUT UP!" Again, everyone took a step back, but this time, it was Hanna rather than me. "FOR GOD'S SAKE, PLEASE JUST STOP IT! I SWEAR, IF YOU WERE ANY BITCHIER, YOU'D EXPLODE!" I took a couple deep breaths to clear my head. Harry, Hagrid, Ron and Hermione, as well as all the other customers of Flourish and Blotts, looked terrified, while Hanna grinned. I don't wanna know what she's about to do, I thought. She got The Look in her eyes. You know, the Look she gets when she knows exactly where your Achilles Heel is, how hard to hit it, and what will happen. That look.

She put a hand on my shoulder and looked me dead in the eyes. "You're a wizard, Courtney." (From the YouTube video "You're a wizard Harry" :D [Note from Hanna: YouTube "You're A Wizard, Harry" and watch it. One of them will only let you watch it if you're 18+, but the other should be ok.]) I tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't pull it off.

"Oh, am I, ya square-go-like?"

"Speccy bowl-haired-cut skinny eat-more BASKET CASE!"

"HANNA, I'LL SET YER BEARD ON FIRE!" The two of us fell on the ground cracking up.

Everyone in the shop looked at us, confused looks on their faces. Hanna and I realized we were the only ones laughing and stopped, sheepishly. " 'ell then, should we b'goin'?" Hagrid asked, confused. Hanna and I stood up and smiled.

"Yup, I'm ready to go!" I said enthusiastically.

Hanna got up, looked up at Hagrid, and said with almost the exact same dialect as him, "Be lucky you don't know what the internet is..." She then walked out of the store, proudly.

" What's the interne-" "

NEVERMIND!" I said. I took hold of Harry's hand, and dragged him out of the store.

We walked on, buying the necessary (and unnecessary) things- a cauldron, owls, textbooks, robes, and the like. After a while, Hanna dug in her pockets for her iPod, and held it up triumphantly. She began blasting Linkin Park, much to the dismay of everyone within a three-metre radius.

I was walking and talking with Harry as we were absentmindedly holding hands. Suddenly I bumped(more like crashed) into someone. Someone with bleach blonde hair and an acidic smile. Someone who Hanna was JUST HOPING to see...

Hanna, rather than explode with fangirly delight, turned a dark crimson from chin to hairline, and clamped a hand firmly over her mouth. "You—You're...you!" she eeped through her hand.

"Last I checked, I was," he drawled, then turned to one of his omnipresent bodyguards, which one none of us could tell. "Slow, isn't she?" Hanna reddened further, if it was possible. Then she lowered her hand and slowly paled to her usual alabaster. And then she drew her wand.

"Expulso," she said softly, pointing her wand at the waistband of Draco's pants. The belt-y part exploded, though not so violently as one might have expected. They just floated down, ripped to shreds. Hanna grinned, eyes ablaze. "Incendio!" Draco quickly sidestepped to avoid the fire. "How's that for slow, Malfoy?" she asked, then turned and walked away.

I turned to follow, dragging Harry with me. I had only taken about 2 steps before Draco screamed in anger and charged toward Harry.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" I said catching him mid jump and twirled him around 5 times, laughing.

"Put me down you bitch!" he screamed. I continued to twirl him until he puked. Hanna behind me turned red in the face, laughing her...well, head off.

I then let go of the spell as he dropped into his own puke. I took grab of Harry's hand and walked back into the tunnel we came from, Hanna smirking behind. Every once in a while she looked back at him, her cheeks crimson. I sighed. Five minutes went by without any of us speaking.

Harry then whispered in my ear, "You sure are something, aren't you?" I smiled. "Yah, get used to it..." He smiled, brushing his hair to the side and feeling his scar.

He held my hand tighter.


End file.
